It is particularly hard to have a BC who is not actively up for it and that is why I was determined he would get to decide but other parents may well take a different view. My AS learned to respect the boundaries of my BS. I still manage it a bit - not least because I cannot abide listening to arguing - but gradually allowed them to work it out. My BS recently said he would be very lonely without his brother (I dont think he would be but it shows how he now regards him) and they have lots of fun together. On a few occasions I wondered if we had done the right thing despite how wonderful our AS was as my BS would cry sometimes at the negative energy created by his brother but 2 years in i can say it was indeed the right thing to do. First sign of aggravation and I intervened and both children got lots of individual time with a parent. First 8 months were hard - AS is a very determined little boy who was used to hitting and kicking to express his frustrations, but I micro managed the interaction. We therefore had to take control of the process. SW were worse than useless as swung from stop the process if your son is not keen to you are the adults so you decide. It all turned on the outcome of a bump into meeting- my BS had been very ambivalent about adoption and if he had said no following the meeting that would have been it. When my BS was nearly turning 9 we adopted a boy who was nearly 4. Many thanks and please be kind, we're new at this by making sure both know they are loved and valued.Īny other thoughts or things to consider would be really welcome. Am I overthinking this? Is this essentially sibling rivalry and you could manage this in the same way as you would if both were adopted or both were birth children - ie. I guess I was wondering how you might deal with either child feeling like they weren't good enough or there being resentment. Our daughter is 3 years in November, we have the space in our house for another child and I am already a SAHM so we would just continue with that until school age when the plan is to go back part time whilst they are at school. We are very unlikely to be able to have any further children of our own as I have developed adenomyosis and whilst we could try ivf adenomyosis makes this even less successful than it would be otherwise and after a number of miscarriages I can't face loosing another. I wanted to ask for some thoughts from people who adopted their second child after already having a biological child and how you have found it although of course all child are different so I realise you can't cut and paste situations.
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